I won't win any awards...

A few updates:

Work life--Not getting sued! Things are going well. The parents like me, the students like me, and Early Childhood is just trucking along nicely. Things have settled down and the routine has become very comforting. Although I did have a student tell me today that "God is going to spank you". You know. That happens.

Social life--What social life? Ha-ha. Although I did recently go to the State Fair with my brother and his wife and my sister and her husband. The girls did not go with us so that was like a "night out". It was the UT v. OU weekend. There was a very drunk frat boy that gave me his seat on the DART train. He was with some seriously fashion impaired sorority girls. I think they thought they were trendy, but boyfriend jeans, toms, 80s sunglasses, and a military blazer do not a fashionista make. Anyway, drunk frat boy provided me with the most interesting and stimulating of conversations that I have had in a long long time. I milked his impaired state for all it was worth. Hey, I never get out! At some point we started throwing out names of herbs that would make ridiculous children's names. Tarragon and Cilantro were the big winners.

Romantic life--Again, what romantic life? Nathan and I try--we really do. But then I find myself saying things to my sweet husband like, "Put a bubble in your mouth" or "stop your motor and let the other people pass" as I throw my arm across his path. That screams "I've never wanted you more", right? And then there is the little issue of me lecturing him while in the throes of passion. I will spare you the intimate details but lets just say I can't even enjoy myself without attempting to boss Nathan around. That was super mortifying. I didn't even mean what I was saying. I am just so in the mode of telling people what to do I can't even stop myself while having sex! Ugh!

Parenting skills--This is my personal favorite. At the beginning of the aforementioned episode between Nathan and I, we had made cookies to keep the girls quiet and put them in front of a movie. You take it when you can get it, right? So anyway, we took the rest of the cookies to our room to consume them in secret like little piggies. Things had gotten underway and we hear a little knock on our door. Our favorite trick is to ignore it, but that was not proving to be effective this time. One of us got the bright idea to slide a cookie under the door without saying a word. Shameful. And humorous. And shameful. But mostly humorous. When was the last time I laughed like that? And, more importantly, it got the job done!

Spiritual life--Nathan is teaching the youth group at our church and I am teaching ages 2-4. I just love little kids so much I want to be around them every second of every day! (sarcasm, folks!) Oh wait, I am! It is really fun even though teeenagers scare the hell out of me. All their hormones and emotions flopping around like dying fish. Erg! I am not so equipped...but Nathan is great!

Mental health--You read the above, right? What do you think? Let's go with somewhere between desperately seeking a support group and needing a room with padded walls. But seriously, I live in my car, which is in a constant state of filth. When I get a break from the car, I am at the house--also filthy. I can't seem to get anything accomplished and it's all I can do to keep my eyes open every day.

But the title of this post aptly points out that while I may not be stellar at any one thing, at least I haven't spontaneously combusted. Sometimes "good enough" is the best I can do and I am okay with that.

And can I just give a shout out to all the amazing new life entering this world:
Baby Shelby
Baby Kuzara
Baby Roll
Baby Speegle
Baby Keyser
Baby Vaden
Baby Way
Baby Mahan
Congratulations you guys! You will all make amazing parents! It might make you a little batty, but we wouldn't do it if it wasn't worth it!

My kids...

Elisa: Still in love with mermaids. Monsters are scary mermaids, healers are magical mermaids. She laughs at weird times at things that aren't really funny. For instance, me: "we are having macaroni and cheese tonight for dinner". Her: "O haha. That's so silly. Macaroni and cheese. Hee!" I don't really have a response to that.

Ava: She is a punk who likes to ignore me and run around half-naked. I love her "can-do" spirit but she is not even keeled like sister. She goes from 0 to screaming in about 1/2 a second. Time is a concept we are working on. She likes to sometimes pick at Elisa because she can. It is just in her nature to be defiant. I like to call it "persistence". She will make a great debator! If I could somehow disappear between her age 12 to 19 years I think that would be for the best...for everyone...

Noah: Seriously the quietest baby you've ever met. I sometimes forget he is around. He just hangs out and watches stuff--his sisters, his toys, the TV, Na and I, the fan--whatever. He is just a sweetie and he loves to coo and laugh at me. My favorite time with him is in the morning before the girls wake up. I feed him and then get myself dressed and he just hangs out and talks to me. The only time he is upset is if he is alone (he HATES that) or hungry or tired. That's it. I just want him to stay my little baby forever!

On the off chance I might get sued....

In the interest of the law, I have removed my last two postings with my ranting and ravings about being unfairly judged. While I do believe that this will all settle, I may be taken to a court of law and I don't need anything negative found on me! Does this sound totally "Law & Order" to you? Me too! Many thanks, Reagan, for pointing out that even when I am not naming names, it still doesn't look good to comment on a potential "ongoing investigation". OMG! This is ridiculous!
Upside: I am in good standing with my current parents and staff and boss. I really love my job and everyone has faith in me. yay!
Downside (unrelated): Nathan, you know, works in oilfield services. Things are not going to well with some customers. I am a little *swallow* nervous although he tells me not to be. Hmm...

It's funny...

Nathan is blogging, y'all! And, he is real funny. He is a talented writer and he sells himself short. Anyway, he is way wittier than I am. He writes to keep things light and funny. We lovingingly nicknamed ourselves "witty" and "gritty" (that would be me). :) Hope y'all enjoy... http://ifthisminivansarockin.blogspot.com

Some random updates...

Things are like, really crazy...new job is awesome but my time allotted to stare into space and blog at will has somewhat diminished... :)

Let's see...Mally Lu is coming into town this weekend! Yay! Can't wait to see her!
Going to see our buds in Cleburne the next weekend...5 kids between 2 couples. Yikes!
Have plans for a college roommate reunion and a Collins/Bush/Richardson trip to the State Fair in October. Awesome!

Elisa is obsessed with mermaids. O.B.S.E.S.S.E.D. Her reality involves her swimming at the beach with the mermaids. Our conversations go like this:
Me: "Elisa, what did you do today?"
Elisa: "I went to the beach and swam with the mermaids. Yay!"
Me: "ooooooooookkkaaaaaaaaayyy."
Her Dad: "That was imaginary. What happened in reality?"
Elisa: "I went to the beach and swam with the mermaids. We had a good time. Oh goody!"
I really can't make this stuff up. Also, her current favorite song is "All the Single Ladies" by Beyonce. She is a little behind the trends, that one is.

Ava's mood continues to amaze me. Still strong-willed but SO much happier than before her tubes. She is also the messiest child I have seen. Her face is covered in a layer of filth by the end of the day. She is also a scientist. I think her mind works like this: "Ooh. A marker. I see this colors this paper, but what will it do in the floor? More color--score! What about the walls? Color again! And now, for my body......I love chocolate milk. You know what's better than drinking it? Pouring it all over your leg when you are in the car and watching Mommy freak out. That's bitchin' awesome!"

Noah is basically the strongest, fastest, smartest, bestest baby in the world. Enough said. But, he does seem to spit up. A LOT. Just sayin'. He is still cool and all....

:)

Oh, and Na. Well, he seems to be fine. He single-handedly rearranged the furniture in our bedroom which I am deliciously greatful for! *kiss kiss* I suppose he is a little bummed that the dentist pointed out he has little teeth. Pretty is as pretty does.

Blessings abundant!!

Whoa! So much has happened this past week, I can't believe it has only been 10 days since all the changes! It is so funny how just when you let go of something that is when it is given to you. How many times have I been taught this lesson? A couple of weeks ago, when I was in my frustrating doldrums of wanting a job, I had gone to talk to the Head of the private Episcopal school here as well as the Rector of our church. I had handed out my resume but nothing, of course, was available part-time. Monday morning, we are coming back from Houston after Ava's appointment (her ears look great!), and I get a phone call. The Head of School just got an opening for Director of Early Childhood and instantly thought of me. What an ego booster! I went the next day to get the deets, and then I started Wednesday. School started this past Monday. What a rush! 5 days to get a classroom ready, enroll the girls, start school! Let me fill in the blanks: I work 7:30 am to 12:00 pm only every day. I teach a 3 year-old class as well as administrate the Early Childhood program. That consists of 3 3 year-old classes and 2 2 year-old classes. My title is Director of Early Childhood. Isn't that fancy? I will, of course, need to put in extra hours on occasion. There are late afternoon staff meetings once a week and there are various things that need to get done in the afternoon. However, my girls are attending the school now. I have a friend keeping Noah in her home, and I can pick him up and bring him back to the school if I have work to do. I can always go in after Na gets home too. But really, I imagine to be home by 12:30 most days. How awesome is this!?!! Just when I had given up and was learning to be content with my situation, God moves me again! I don't feel like Nathan and I even remotely deserve any of the blessings in our lives, but I suppose that is the point. God is always good. Period. It is just amazing to see the plans He has for us playing out!!!

Lessons in nursing

So, I was talking to a Moms group here in town, and they encouraged me to blog some of my lessons in nursing. This might be a little TMI for guys that read this blog--so BEWARE. I only nursed my girls for 3 months each. I got my period back at 8 weeks with Elisa and 11 weeks with Ava. My milk supply dropped dramatically. I was also working (full-time with Elisa, part-time with Ava), but pumping. both girls started sleeping through the night at this time as well. I always regretted that I didn't feed them longer. But I thought it was out of my hands. This time around, with Noah, I got my period at 11 weeks as well. I wanted to keep nursing him when I noticed a drop in my milk supply. So I just fed him every 1.5 to 2 hours. As soon as my period ended, my milk supply went back up and he was back to eating every 3-4 hours! I realized that I was so into Babywise and scheduling my girls by not feeding them unless 3 hours had elapsed. Even though they were hungry!!! I wish I had this knowledge them. Babies do need scheduling but sometimes to make nursing work for you, you have to change tactics. And that's ok. Your baby won't be a little hellion. Noah pretty much follows Babywise anyway...good napper and eats every 3-4 hours. Unless I am on the rag. :)

Footwear

They love a sparkly flip-flop in this town! Um, I think I dress my feet "too fancy"! Who doesn't love a wedge heel? :)

Friday morning sunshine

Here are my loves. They are all in a good mood. Amazing. I want to take a moment to say how blessed I feel to have such a wonderful family. God has blessed us indeed. I have (*ahem* reluctantly) been taught about contentment. Everyone talks about the "slower pace to life" here and it is true. I didn't realize how much time I was spending in the car in Houston and how cranky that was making me and my children. Now we can go out and it doesn't take more than 10 minutes to get anywhere! While I still want a job (desperately!), God is teaching me every day to just be in the moment. How wonderful is it that I get to spend so much time with my children as babies? And if no jobs turn up, I need to be content with where I am now. Time flies. And I know I am going to want all this back. So, for now, I rest. And listen to the Lord. And let Him calm me down and bring out gratefulness and fullness and kindness from me. But, let's just get real for a minute: my kids still drive me nuts quite often. And being at home has some really lame moments. Don't get me wrong. I am just open to the possibility of a change of heart. Let's not lose all sense of reason and succomb to whimsy... :)

A well thought-out article on the plight of families today...

http://www.newsweek.com/id/210252/page/1

Quick Update

So, I realize that my previous blog was a little bit dreary and or/suicidal....not to worry friends--I am alive and well. Venting actually helps quite a bit! :) And, my children have not been harmed by my hand. Hoo-rah! I still stand completely by my frustration and own it all. However, I hope that I did not come across as looking down on SAHM or full-time caregivers and teachers. I have a huge amount of respect for those women that fight the good fight each day at home with their kids as well as those that feel called to work with others' children. We certainly need quality caregivers. The point that I was trying to get across is that it is not for me, as well as my frustration that people think as a woman/mother child care is all you are qualified to do. Child care and teaching are REAL jobs as well. I just hate how this is my ONLY option if I don't want to hand my children over to day care 50 hours a week. Also, I hate how caregiving has a somewhat lower esteem and value in society's eyes. That sucks.

Pity Party

Every once in a while, I have these days that are so black I feel that I am suffocating. My breaths are shorter and shallower as I try to keep from hyperventilating. I feel like my life is pointless and I live in a very deep dark hole. I mean, I get that I am worth something to my husband and children, but frankly, that in itself is not always satisfying. My children are lovely, but they just take, take, take. I can't ever find 5 minutes to myself to keep the nauseating anxiety at bay. Some days it seems I just can't satisfy them. They want to be within a 3 inch radius of me and whatever I am doing at all times. Have you ever tried washing dishes, doing laundry, breastfeeding with two extra people literally attached to you? I have tried to just drop what I am doing and give them one-on-one, but it doesn't always work. They feel clingy and uncertain about this move as much as I do. I need a job!!!!! But I don't really know how to get one...When anyone hears that a SAHM wants to work part-time, they automatically think child care. I don't want to spend days watching other peoples children!!! "Oh, she just wants to get out of the house and earn a little extra cash". I am SICK of it. I want a job. A real live contributing member of society job. But I want one that doesn't demand 40-50 hours a week from me. Just 20-30 b/c I HAVE to have something left for my family as well. But people say, your children need you at home. It is enough that you are just there. REALLY?!? How am I serving my children when I am angry, depressed, and yelling at them all day out of frustration?!? I need another outlet to be a better parent. Do I have to sacrifice patience to parent because the work force needs me 50 hours a week? Do I sacrifice my sanity to be with my children ALL THE TIME? I just can't take it!!!!! I really wish there were more options for women than corporate America vs. full time childcare. Why can't we make it both? Why can't businesses see how much women bring to the table and create jobs that are accomodating for mothers with families? I love love love my children but that shouldn't translate into being with them EVERY second. I am no good to them if that is the case. Their whines and idiosyncracies stop being cute and just make my skin crawl. Does admitting this make me a bad mother?

Like the title says: Pity pary. This is my outlet to word vomit. When I get up from here I will back into the trenches and pick the screaming two year-old off the floor and hold her until she stops being mad that I went into the other room. I will deal with my three year-old throwing a fit as I patiently watch her pick up all the toys she has literally strewn about the house (it will take a good hour I assure you). I will also have to force her to actually get dressed (a bathing suit and ballet shoes is her particular outfit of choice but it is starting to smell--3 days in a row now it has been worn!) I will unload the dishwasher and fold the laundry that I have been putting off all day b/c looking at it piled up all over makes me ill. I will comfort my infant that is wailing b/c his nap was interrupted. I will not burst into tears as the extreme feeling of being overwhelmed I am trying to surpress threatens to explode. Instead I just word vomit into the world wide web and hope for a pitying ear. And maybe a stern talking-to. After all, who likes a whiney baby?

My humiliation knows no bounds; or, alternatively, I am the envy of all!

So, it turns out I do not need a cast--yay! no surgery, no drama, hoo-rah! However, I do get to wear a very stylish orthopedic shoe for a month--hence I am the envy of all. I am really afraid to leave the house in case someone tries to assault me and take my shoe. I will post pics soon...but seriously, stay away. It's not for sale.

As a one-legged woman, I try to stay away from venues that require a lot of walking. However, I had to go get my prescription for Vicadin filled. At the Target. Once I realized how much hobbling on my crutches that was going to take, I began to rethink the plan. I was already there so I did what I had to do--got one of the handy little carts that they provide for the differently abled. And so began my humiliation. It's funny, I have had 3 children and my girl parts have been on display for a team of medical people, and yet this experience on the cart was my most embarrassing to date. People stare at you. On the plus side, you get a very pleasant breeze as you zoom along. PS and BTW, it does, in fact, beep (LOUDLY) when you back up.

Getting to know Longview better. Still miss our friends and our church like crazy.

Call me "Hop-A-Long"

So................I broke my foot. What else can I say? I am not a klutz or accident prone, nor do I generally participate in unsafe activities. I didn't trip or get crushed by anything. I simply love heels too much! I rolled my ankle in one of my heels and heard a crack. 10 minutes later, I couldn't walk on it. Fastest ER trip in the world (I was in and out in 2 hours!)...I came home in a splint and with crutches. Going to orthopedist tomorrow morning--don't know if I need cast, surgery, etc. Just need to be able to walk. Can't move while holding anything except my crutches. Oh, and I guess this means I will need to postpone the job hunt. Good grief!

Hello from Longview!

Well friends, we are finally "moved in" but I wouldn't say "settled". It just doesn't quite feel like home. I have had mild panic attacks the past few days. You know that feeling where you simultaneously want to vomit and/or cry uncontrollably? I keep wondering when I am going to feel righted again. I feel lost, lonely, and fat. Anyway, enough boo-hooing. I just really really really really really need to find a job. Either I am going to kill my children or they are going to kill me. Either way, someone's going down.... ;)

Things I have learned about Longview:

• It's small
• The library sucks
• The grocery stores suck
• They recycle! and they provide everything you need to do so... :)
• There are 3 Starbucks
• One is in the only Target in the city
• The mall is the saddest place I have ever been (or, as Nathan likes to call it, "The Place Where Dreams Go To Die", Inc.)
• If you need some sort of service done in your house or on your car it is fast and prompt. No waiting for someone between the hours of 8 and 5. They come when they say they will.
• If you want drive thru or to-go--you will be waiting a while. Literally. so. slow.
• Yeah, they all have an accent.
• There are two chick-fil-as
• And apparently, a "gathering of old men" takes place Friday mornings in one of them to provide a forum for bitching about whatever they read in the paper
• Every single person I have met so far has been kind and encouraging and full of helpful information

Past and forthcoming events of interest:

Ava ran off once when I was at the Target (I go at least once every two days. Surprised they don't know me by name now. I imagine they have our pics up in the work room and they snigger as they make up stories about why I look shifty and desperate each time I come in. But I digress.) They actually had to close off the store. No one in or out until she was found. It was full alert. I was terrified. They found her in the toys thank God! Then I switched to feeling morified. Ah well, I provide excitement as a rule...

However, there is this lingering feeling about living in a small town. I know that I will run into people again. So, there is no hiding or melting into the masses. When I am in public, I want to be extra careful about how I come across because I may totally see these people again and again. Same reason I will probably never honk my horn in anger. Perhaps that is a good thing.

We are coming to Houston tonight. Ava is getting tubes in her ears and her adenoids removed tomorrow. It is a surgery and she goes under general anesthetic with an IV and heart monitors, etc. Kind of freaked out. Kind of really freaked out. I know it is routine, but still it is MY baby. I have to remind myself this is for the best b/c she will stop getting sick and start feeling better.

Well, my love to you all. Drop us a line or visit sometime:

3007 Gilmer Rd.

Longview, TX 75604

Recent happenings

So sorry that you have been deprived of my infinitely interesting though-provoking rampages! :) Things have been super busy but here are some highlights of the past few weeks:

• I have smushed Raisinets in my carpet (and possibly my hair)
• My brother got married--and she is a sweet-y!
• At said wedding, the flower girl (also my oldest daughter) peed her pants literally 30 seconds before she was to walk down aisle...
• Which freaked her out and she bawled all the way down the aisle (Daddy had to help--Honey, you looked so elegant with those flower petals!!!)
• Oh, and the infant and the 1 year old screamed their heads off the entire ceremony. Just the ceremony. Before they were fine. Reception they were fine. LITERALLY JUST THE CEREMONY. I think it went well...sorry Russ.
• Ava's 2!!!!!
• And she took one of my medications which caused me to call poison control...
• Who then freaked me out when they told me to take her to the ER...
• And then said "take back" because she only took one--she's okay thank God
• We baptized Noah this weekend and it meant so much to me that our friends and family were there
• Our wonderful friends threw us a surprise going away party that was so awesome! Just thinking about it makes me want to cry (in a good way)
• Went to a bachelorette party the other night and had THE BEST TIME and that's all you get to know ;) (Congrats Suze!!!)
• Ava has her 4th ear infection in 5 months and has to see a specialist...may need tubes...bummer but I just want her to feel better
• The buyers for our house came by to get something and I realized several HOURS later that I had a tiara on the ENTIRE time I was talking with them (and actually still do)
• My children have had the best day today--no fits, random decisions to trash the house, or playing in filth...
• But at this very second...Noah is screaming his head off (he just ate!!!), Ava is rearranging all our DVDs (like, you know, from the organized box they were in to the floor in another room) and crying for a cupcake (totally not going to happen), and Elisa is in panties, a gi-normous tutu, and a wife beater and scattering a deck of cards all over the floor.
• I don't think I am going to get to eat dinner tonight...

I am turning into my mother!!!

I am a neurotic nut job. Seriously. Do you ever have those days? I want to be calm, cool, and put together. Have a new baby? No problem. Relocating family of 5 across state? No problem. Schedule all those last minute hair, dentist, and doctor appointments before said move? Done and done.

Except not so much. In my hurry to be efficient and prepared, I think I am going into overkill. Does the 2 year old need to see the dentist? No, b/c she is too little. Why didn't they tell me that over the phone when I made the d*mn appointment? 3 children in a little dentist office is officially my version of hell. Just so you know. When will I get my wisdom teeth pulled? Who knows? I will have to stop nursing for 2 days and when will my husband be able to get off to help me? Again, who knows? Suggestions anyone?

By the way, my husband is a lovely man, but he is completely unable to multi-task. Seriously. Do not, I repeat, do not get in the car with him if he plans to make a phone call while driving. 1. You won't get to your destination. And if by some freakish chance you do, it will be about 2 hours later after much turning around and lane swerving. Take my word for it. 2. You will fear for your life. It is just not worth it. So, with this in mind, how do you think he does with the children? Brilliantly--if that is all he is doing. However, he has taken to having his phone beep with every email. (D*mn those crackberrys!) Therefore, he has to check the thing EVERY TIME it goes off. Every time!!! Well, let me explain. In the dentist office with 3 children in our care is not the time to take to checking emails! Remember, the man CANNOT multi-task! I am prone in a chair with my mouth open, and what are our children doing? Who knows? This is why I almost wrestled his phone away from him and threw it against the wall. But thank God I was in the chair...I did yell (after my mouth was free!)

Example 2: Should 3 children accompany their mother to her hair appointment? (By the way, I am now blond and I must say--I look fabulous! :) ). The answer is no! Christy. Always. No. But what did I do?....This is a lesser version of hell. Just so you know.

So, the point is this: Why have I taken to making public scenes and irrational choices? This is not me. I am calm, cool, and collected, remember? I don't hop into pointless situations without thinking them through. Why do I feel I have lost all sense of poise and reason? Motherhood is demanding, somewhat degrading, but ultimately rewarding, right? I refuse to throw in the towel and don "mom jeans", a short haircut, and 80s-style Keds. But a mental breakdown and loss of all reason if the first step I fear...

PS--My husband is a wonderful, wonderful man. I am lucky he puts up with me. I hope he takes this schpeel with a grain of salt. (I love you honey!)

PPS--None of this really makes any sense, does it? I think that proves the title of this post--unfortunately.

Busy to the point of exhaustion--but God is still good!

Well, thankfully my kids are all healthy and well. Nathan and I are too, but we are physically exhausted from getting our house ready to put on the market. We have gotten very little sleep and our house feels like a show house--not our home. The poor girls--a lot of their toys disappeared overnight. We also found out that the market is really really bad in our neighborhood. We are going to take a serious loss on the house. But, before we could worry...

Yep, the company is going to pay that loss as well! God is so good! He definately has big plans for us in Longview. We are literally going to be able to walk away without any debt from this whole move. And if that is not enough--where we are going to live when we get up there was totally stressing me about as well. However, I talked to the Longview realtor and it just so happens that she owns a duplex that has one side open. 3 BR, 2 bath, 1400 sq. ft. with a garage and backyard. We have to see it first of course, but isn't God good? This literally could not be any easier. Good thing too b/c Nathan and I have a lot on our plates right now... :)

He's Finally Here! (and other important news...)

For those of you who know me well, I was totally bummed that Noah didn't make an appearance over Easter. Like, REALLY bummed. The Thursday before Easter, I had progressed to 4 cm and the doc stripped my membranes (just what they did with Elisa--and I went into labor the next day). I had contractions the next day, but nothing progressed. Easter passed without incident. I had another appt Wednesday after Easter (the 15th--TAX DAY!). I took my girls to school and everyone pointed out that I was still walking around (like I didn't know!)! Anyway, went to the doc, still 4 cm and he tried again to "agitate my cervix". Goody. Went home without incident. At 4:30 pm I start having contractions every 2 minutes. Not wanting to call a false alarm, I thought they might go away. They didn't. And they started to hurt. So, I call Nathan, my precious friend that just had her baby boy, then the doctor (in that order!). Without hearing back from the doc, Nathan and I take off to the hospital, thinking this might be fast. Come to find out, the doc was in the middle of a c-section. Thankfully, I was admitted, even though no one knew I was coming! By 7 pm, I was settled and they checked my cervix--8 CM!!!! I couldn't believe it! I had really progressed fast. Now, my water never broke with my girls and it hadn't broken at this point yet either. I asked if they would break it for me, and guess what? They said "No"! Apparently, since I was Group B Strep positive (I was with Elisa too but not with Ava) I had to have 2 doses of antibiotics 4 hours apart. Well, I got the first dose, but you can imagine with me at 8 cm and having intense every 2 minute contractions (lasting a minute each!) I was certain I couldn't do that for 4 MORE HOURS! And no one would really answer me about what the plan was. We would just "wait and see". I was really confused b/c I did not want to stay in transition for 4 hours! (Is that even possible?) Anywho, I started feeling the urge to push and they told me I was only 9 cm. And they told me not to push b/c I could tear my cervix. Great, like I really felt like I had any control. Everyone wondered out except Nathan and the nurser and I began to cave like a baby. I begged for drugs--I'll admit--I am not superwoman! I got my beloved NuBain, but it did not work as magically as I remembered. I was still in a helluva lot of pain. Unfortunately, there was nothing they could give me at this point. I began to feel the urge to push like crazy. The doc ran in to check me--she was putting her gloves on when I pushed out my bag of waters whole! Who knew that could happen?! So, there was the doctor with one glove on and my little Noah had already crowned! He came down right after that bag! It was the only thing holding him up! At this point, things down there hurt like crazy. I kept asking for pain killers--any kind! The docs kept encouraging me to push--one more and he would be out--but I kind of stalled for a while. Good thing too--the doc needed to put her other glove on. So, I finally decided to bite the bullet and push again and out he came! Literally--he popped right out after 2 pushes! 9:23 pm April 15th, after just 5 short hours of fast labor. Immediately, I felt fabulous that he was out and not in. I didn't care what they did to me after that. Funny though, because everyone was oohing and aahing over how big he was--was he a monster? They took him from me to weigh him--9 lbs 6 oz. Not too shabby. At least it explains why it hurt like the devil. He is 13 days old and perfect. Beautiful round head, enormous feet and hands, precious big eyes and cheeks. I feel like a million bucks as well--no more being preggars! Sisters love him and he is sleeping and eating well. We are tired, but thankfully no colic or acid reflux. So, that's the birth story. If only that was the end to our news...

The other important piece of info Nathan and I are ready to share is that we are moving. Yep, July 1st we are relocating to Longview, TX (about 30 miles east of Tyler). Nathan got a promotion at work (go baby!) with a nice raise and other assorted benefits (he gets a company car!). But unfortunately, the job is in Longview. Can I buy organic there? Will we find a church as great as our current one? We will miss our friends and family terribly. I hate to leave my job and the school the girls are at. It was very tear-jerking to relay the news to our church family and friends (particularly my fabulous boss!). I still can't believe this is happening. The good news is the company is paying for everything! They even will come and put things in boxes for us! We just have to get our house sold--they provide the realtor and we don't have to go to a closing. And, Nathan's parents and my grandparents live in Tyler which is just a short drive away. My sister and her husband and my brother and his fiancee (soon to be wife) live in Dallas. We will be closer to them as well. I am really proud of Nathan for getting this. It is a really big deal and it is exactly what our family needs. Plus, it is greater job security which is so important right now. God has been very very good to us. We will keep you updated as things go and just know that we will miss everyone so very very much.

PS--Check out my friend Callie's blog for more Noah pics: http://www.callieannephotography.blogspot.com/. She is a fantastic photographer!

Baby Noah Watch 2009

So, I went to the Doc Friday and I was 3 cm dilated and 50% effaced! I was not surprised, but he surely was. He kind of got this weird look on his face and was like "huh...you're pretty dilated". And I was like "I know. I keep telling you that I am having contractions, etc. Duh!" Anyway, I was only 36 weeks at that point which is a little early, but they told me there is no need to stop labor if it starts. So, I am just staying active and doing my thing, and we will just see! I am hoping to wait at least another week to week and a half, but definitely by Easter. We'll let you know!

Elisa is officially potty trained!!!!

She wore panties yesterday and kept them entirely dry. Pooed twice in the potty. Wore panties to school today and pooed in potty. Still dry. This brings me more joy than anything right now. On second thought, that is kind of sad...

Noah is NOT HERE YET!!!

Okay. Sorry if I scared any of you. Noah is not here yet. He is still cooking away! I am going to the doc Friday to see how dilated I am and what position he is in, etc. I am really excited for him to be here, but I am okay with whatever timing. Besides being a little tired, I really feel fine. I know that when he gets here I won't be sleeping, so if he wants to wait that is FINE!!!

Elisa is officially potty-trained!!!!! I cannot tell you how excited I am! I will only have to buy diapers for two instead of three. Yes!!!! And I am just so proud of her. She finally gets it and she wants to succeed. Her own timing I guess.

The ear infections are back in my house. I cannot figure this out! It is really bumming me out. Elisa has a double infection and Ava just the one. But, if they get another one in the next month, we might need to talk tubes. I mean, they have been so healthy until last month! What is it?

Contractions still happening every day, but they are not going anywhere. They are especially bad when I need to use the restroom and when I get up suddenly. I am just hoping the doc says that at least something is going on down there! I will keep you posted!

Updates

So, I have found that candy works as an excellent bribe in potty training my child. Everytime she goes on the potty, she gets candy! And, it seems to be working. She goes several times a day and her pull-up stays dry a lot. She even wore panties and kept them dry for half the day yesterday! The problem still is that she is lazy and distracted. She will not get up from what she is doing to "take care of business" unless she is thinking about candy! But, I feel so much more confident that this is actually going to happen!

Little worried about baby Noah getting here too soon. I have been having lost of BH contractions and I think I am losing/have lost my mucus plug. Sorry if that is TMI!!!! I know that it can still be weeks before labor and that is what I am betting on. 34 weeks is a little too early! We'll keep you posted!

Oh, the joy!

So, two things:

1) My children always seem to know when I go to the bathroom. They can be in the other room, but when I go to pee, they materialize to watch. I suppose it is developmentally healthy. Particularly since I want the older one potty-trained so badly! The other day, my 3 year old asked me what I was doing on the potty and I explained that I was going "pee-pee on the potty", and she said "Good job, Momma!". And she clapped. What can you say, really?

2)My house is diseased. We have gone over a year without any medication in our home. 3 weeks ago, both children ran a fever. Doctor said viral and nothing to be done. 1 week later, 3 year-old gets ear infection. The next week, younger one has ear infection and sinus infection. That happened Monday. 3 year old has just finished antibiotics. Guess who runs a fever today? The 3 year old again. Just a virus and no meds needed now. However, if it turns into an ear infection, there is nothing to prevent it. I love playing "pass the fever"!

Hormones

Friends, you have always known me as someone who is a fan of pregnancy. It is a beautiful thing, and I don't ever want to take for granted how easily it occurs for some or how difficult it is for others. I joke about "just having a baby" with all my newly married friends. I don't know if it is the third pregnancy in general or just the fact that I have had 3 pregnancies in 4 years time, but this one is HARD. My hormone levels must be off the charts. I find myself weepy and sad much of the time. I feel endless amounts of guilt that I cannot muster up as much enthusiasm for my little boy as I did for my girls. I hardly interact with my husband beyond "hi", "bye", and "will you please clean?". I have no energy and want to spend most of my time in bed. I am short with my girls and find myself drifting directionless throughout my days. I don't really enjoy much of anything, and that is so scary. I hate that I don't feel like myself. My other pregnancies were empowering for me. They brought joy and excitement to mine and Nathan's life. I can't figure out why I feel so differently this time around. I understand that so much of this is probably just the hormonal imbalance of pregnancy compounded by the fact that I have a preschooler and a toddler to care for; and it doesn't help that I am not sleeping well. However, I still can't shake the feelings of guilt that I owe more to my children then what I am currently offering. They are only this age once and I should be more present in their daily lives instead of existing in this "zombie-like" state. Nathan says that I feed myself horribly negative messages and that I have some kind of "imaginary measuring stick" for how a mother should be that I always fall short of. I keep thinking that if I can just get it together maybe I will feel happier?

My worst fear is that I will look back and feel a deep sense of remorse for missing precious happy times with my children b/c I was too consumed with restlessness and sadness. I don't get a "do-over". And I have been perfectly aware of all my life choices. If I don't regret any of them...why do I still feel so much discontent?

I do think there is an element of spiritual warfare here as well. As a young mother, I DO think we are given false images of what life is supposed to look like--namely where you live, what you drive, and how much disposable income you are supposed to have. Since we clearly don't look like that family or that family, then something must be lacking in our lives. And that, unfortunately, is a lie and not from God.

Well, mellow rant tonight. But I am so encouraged to be back blogging and crafting this little webpage to be my personal safe space. I hope you are all doing well my friends.

Confessions of a bad mommy

I read this article the other day about the natural tendency of children to be generous and helpful. And how we as parents work diligently and subversively to squelsh this nature--without even realizing it. The next day...real life example:
My children love the pantry cabinets. Yes, they have hoards of actual TOYS, but they love to pull things out of the kitchen cabinets and leave them on the floor. Particularly when I am cooking dinner b/c they like to be in the room with me. Of course I had an unsealed bag of sunflower seeds within their reach, and yes, they ended up on the floor. Trying to keep my cool, I proceed to remove my children from the room and sweep up the seeds. Elisa, my 3 year-old, wants to help clean. She gets our mop and proceeds to shove the seeds around. I tell her to get her toy vacuum cleaner instead. Compliant, she bustles off, and I put the seeds into a nice pile that I am about to scoop into the dustpan. As I bend down, a little plastic Dirt Devil rams into the dustpan and flings the freshly collected seeds hither and yon. Now, you mommas out there, please don't judge me, but I LOST IT with her! I was so close to having my floor clean and I lost rational judgement. I screamed at her, put her in her sad chair, yanked her vacuum away. Then, of course, conviction and dawning set in. She just wanted to help. She wanted to get up close and personal with the action and I wanted to push her away from it. Help, but not too closely. "Pretend" to pick up. Do anything but do it away from me. What kind of learning is that? She knows the difference between real help and fake help. She truly just wanted to clean up in a real way. And I squelched it. Took that generous nature and bruised it. And it breaks my heart. Yes, I apologzied. We talked about it. We found something else to clean. But do I worry that she will not offer to help sweep again? Yes. Am I going to mark this episode on my heart and do my best to nuture her sweet helpful spirit? You bet. I am going to try.

Sheepish...AGAIN

So, noticing a trend with my frequency of posts? I promise this time it is going to get better...well, wishful thinking is better than giving up, right?