Saturday, May 15, 2010
Moving Day!
We are getting a bigger place! Yay! I think we have broken a cardinal moving rule. We are just throwing things into boxes with the plan to sort and toss as we unpack. I think you are supposed to clean out as you PACK not as you UNPACK. Oh well...time crunch. We have been packing up a room a night and today our wonderful friends are coming to help us move furniture. Thank you thank you thank you! Somehow I manage to be pregnant literally EVERY TIME we move. Nathan thinks I do it on purpose but as I like to point out "You were there too sweetie!". We will post pics soon, but needless to say, we are overjoyed. I next challenge will be how long it takes us to unpack and get settled in the new place. I say July. That is kind of D-Day for a lot of things. Before we go to New York, the house will be settled, Ava will be potty trained, and Noah will be walking. Pray for me! :)
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Why I feel like a FAIL...part 317
You know, being a parent does bring with it some amazing joys. Your children are a source of constant amusement and pride. However, tied up with all this joy and amazement are uncharted territories of guilt, worry, and despair.
Example one:
Elisa made a cute little pot for me for MOther's Day. She made it at school and tried to tell me about it while I was still working. I was very distracted and I promised her she would have my undivided attention when we got home. I hate to brush her off, but work is work. Well, we get home and as soon as she steps out of the van, she drops the pot and it shatters all over the floor! Now, I feel wracked with guilt because I did not give her the time to tell me about it and now it is gone! She is very upset, and I try to console her. I pick up all the pieces and assemble them to be superglued. About the time I get the second of about a million pieces glued together, Elisa has lost interest and found something else to do. Determined to finish, I get about 2/3 of the way through before giving up because my fingers are covered in superglue, broken pot, and dirt. I had to clip the glue off my fingers giving me very sore finger pads for 2 days. What was the lesson here? Listen to your kids or spend eternity worrying that you have ruined their lives and psyches.
Example 2:
Ava has never lost her lovey. Some parents may not choose to give their children loveys for this very reason. Lost loveys equals sleepless nights, tears upon tears, and parents searching the internet for replacements willing to spend hundreds of dollars to GET IT HERE TOMORROW!!! Elisa has lost 2 loveys and Noah has lost 2 loveys and he is just 1! Ava never has, and she is the one that uses and needs her lovey the most. Lovey has been missing fro 2 days. It is breaking my heart! Ava asks about it about 4 times a day, but she doesn't appear to be too upset just yet. I am losing sleep and hair over it. I cannot think about anything else except where it might be. What is the lesson here? My child will gorw up to be a criminal if I cannot find this thing ASAP!
Example 3:
Noah is by far my most challenging child. He needs a lot more attention than the girls ever did. And I can provide it, but sometimes he just cries and squirms for no apparent reason. Doesn't want to be held, doesn't want food, diaper is clean. And frankly, when he gets like this, it pisses me off. I don't know what to do and it makes me angry. Why can't I make him happy? Where did I fail? But what is most disturbing is how sometimes I just don't want to be around him...what kind of parent does that make me? What is the lesson here? Noah will grow up feeling unloved and turn away from us to join a cult when he is older.
FAIL! Times like these and I find myself wondering how I can do it at all. I am holding myself supremely responsible for my children's happiness. That's hard. I know I should lighten up a bit, but they are my babies, and what more can you want then for them to be happy? I think the problem is that I feel like I should always hold the key somewhere. Reality is, that cannot be. Starting even now, they have to learn rejection and loss and sadness that Mommy and Daddy cannot fix. I don't think this is sadistic, but rather a way of teaching us all that they are truly their own people with their own stories. Being able to let go and let your children become is really the lesson. Far out, huh?
Example one:
Elisa made a cute little pot for me for MOther's Day. She made it at school and tried to tell me about it while I was still working. I was very distracted and I promised her she would have my undivided attention when we got home. I hate to brush her off, but work is work. Well, we get home and as soon as she steps out of the van, she drops the pot and it shatters all over the floor! Now, I feel wracked with guilt because I did not give her the time to tell me about it and now it is gone! She is very upset, and I try to console her. I pick up all the pieces and assemble them to be superglued. About the time I get the second of about a million pieces glued together, Elisa has lost interest and found something else to do. Determined to finish, I get about 2/3 of the way through before giving up because my fingers are covered in superglue, broken pot, and dirt. I had to clip the glue off my fingers giving me very sore finger pads for 2 days. What was the lesson here? Listen to your kids or spend eternity worrying that you have ruined their lives and psyches.
Example 2:
Ava has never lost her lovey. Some parents may not choose to give their children loveys for this very reason. Lost loveys equals sleepless nights, tears upon tears, and parents searching the internet for replacements willing to spend hundreds of dollars to GET IT HERE TOMORROW!!! Elisa has lost 2 loveys and Noah has lost 2 loveys and he is just 1! Ava never has, and she is the one that uses and needs her lovey the most. Lovey has been missing fro 2 days. It is breaking my heart! Ava asks about it about 4 times a day, but she doesn't appear to be too upset just yet. I am losing sleep and hair over it. I cannot think about anything else except where it might be. What is the lesson here? My child will gorw up to be a criminal if I cannot find this thing ASAP!
Example 3:
Noah is by far my most challenging child. He needs a lot more attention than the girls ever did. And I can provide it, but sometimes he just cries and squirms for no apparent reason. Doesn't want to be held, doesn't want food, diaper is clean. And frankly, when he gets like this, it pisses me off. I don't know what to do and it makes me angry. Why can't I make him happy? Where did I fail? But what is most disturbing is how sometimes I just don't want to be around him...what kind of parent does that make me? What is the lesson here? Noah will grow up feeling unloved and turn away from us to join a cult when he is older.
FAIL! Times like these and I find myself wondering how I can do it at all. I am holding myself supremely responsible for my children's happiness. That's hard. I know I should lighten up a bit, but they are my babies, and what more can you want then for them to be happy? I think the problem is that I feel like I should always hold the key somewhere. Reality is, that cannot be. Starting even now, they have to learn rejection and loss and sadness that Mommy and Daddy cannot fix. I don't think this is sadistic, but rather a way of teaching us all that they are truly their own people with their own stories. Being able to let go and let your children become is really the lesson. Far out, huh?
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