Ta-Da!

Here's some news: Nathan and I are having another baby! And yeah, we really do know how it happens. I realize that you can only use the "it was a random fluke" excuse so many times, but we are going with it for the third time. I promise you, Elisa is the only baby we really "planned". I say that, but for those of you who know us, Na and I have never been real big on family planning. I know we are really granola, but I really like the organic-ness of just letting it happen. We are not gluttons for punishment, and we both finally feel really good about shutting it down after this one. We were a little uncertain after Noah, not sure if we wanted to stop there or go for one more--choice made I guess! I have to say that I was really shaken up when I first found out. We didn't tell our families until after my first dr. appt. at 11 weeks. My mom's feelings were really hurt that I didn't at least tell her.

4 is A LOT of kids. It borders on socially unacceptable. I didn't want to feel like a freak when I finally told people. It took me 3 months to warm up to the idea. And really, Nathan and I are joyful. Seeing the sonogram of this little 3 mm baby shaped thing flailing its arms/legs just does something to you. It's real. It's a person. It's goodbye to owning my body for 9 months. It's hello to sleepless nights. It is feeling like our family is finally complete.

I am 14 weeks tomorrow and I just told my boss this past Monday. I was really nervous about that conversation. He was definitely surprised. What was I expecting? People don't have more than 2 or 3 kids these days. Any more is just weird. And then there is that awkward feeling like you have to explain your reproductive choices. Pregnancy is not something that just "happens". There is a little awareness on the part of the parents. (Oh gosh--you mean I am not sprinkled with pixie dust at night by the "baby faeries" I let in through the open bedroom window? Nathan, you got some 'splaining to do! :))

So, by the way, my due date is August 27th. Let's decide which is the worst part about this date: it's the first week of school or the freaking hottest point of the summer? Pick one. Currently my frustration is the first week of school conundrum. I LOVE my job. Really. It challenges me. It is only going to get better next year since I actually have a fighting chance at knowing what I am doing. And then I tell my boss, by the way...count me out until October. So, not going to happen. I have to take unpaid leave which is fine, but I really care about my students and parents. It doesn't look good to have a teacher gone the first weeks of school. At this point, I am just going to do the best preparation that I can. I will try to get my ducks in a row, and knowing myself, I will be hauling my just had a baby self out of the hospital and back to work just to check and see how things are going! So, not sure of this particular shakedown, but God is good, right? I am just going to see what He has in store.

The others:
So, like, I still have 3 other living breathing kids to keep my occupied. Elisa just put my boots on and told me they were "fabulous". She is currently on the couch with a doll saying "Robot bear" to the doll over and over. Ava is getting taller by the second. She is still the one that I look at and think "there's a chance I took the wrong baby home from the hospital". However, she looks exactly like Nathan, except like a girl. Now that's weird. Feminine plus Nathan. Hmm. But it works. She likes to put on her dress up heels and click them as loudly as she can on the floor. And well, Noah? A little whiny that one is. He will let his opinion about certain things be know. He is a little high maintenance and kind of like a man diva (miva?) He is certainly very chill until there is something he wants (food, attention, the computer, crayons, anything the girls are minding their own business doing, etc.) and then he screams. He gets right in front of you and lets it rip until you tend to him. He will not be ignored. I think this is Darwinism in action. If he isn't demanding and loud, he would probably get left behind. Way to go Nature! But he is a cuddle bunny (albeit one currently obsessed with Dad and only deigns to be with Mom when Dad is gone). I am glad I nursed him for as long as I did. Some days I have to ask myself "did I hold him at all today besides moving him from place to place?" It's a shame. Baby #4, I apologize in advance. Pop out and hang on little one! You're lucky if you make it half an hour before getting stepped on, groped, spit up on, yelled at, or sat on. It's a sign of affection. Really.

It's been a long time!

Well friends, I hope that you are all doing well. I hope you haven't pined for my words of wisdom too much! (*wink,wink*) More like, words of pity, self-indulgence, and sarcasm! But before I indulge in self-loathing, I must say that I have missed blogging. It is so cathartic, like a semi-personal diary. Everything I write is a caricature of my real life--poking fun at the crazy situations I seem to find myself into.

Things have been very busy. Christmas was really wonderful and the break was much needed for everyone. It was good to see all the fam--my brother-in-law and sister-in-law to be flew in from DC, so it was awesome to see them.

We saw the Salters over MLK Jr. weekend. They are amazing friends, and I can't believe how much we, as adults, have "grown up" since meeting in the summer of '07. We have each had a kid, and we both find that it is hard to find that "chill time" we enjoyed in H-town.

Elisa turned 4 on the 11th, and we just had her party this past weekend. It was princess-themed and uber girly. She is beginning to write individual letters and she fascinates me every day.

Work is okay, and my kids are just growing before my eyes! I am learning how hard it is to "break into" a small town. Somedays it feels like I am just too different to ever win anyone's friendship or respect. I love my job and I am learning so much every day about how difficult it is to come into a position of leadership as a newcomer to a town and organization. Just because you have "book learning" doesn't mean people have to like you. Some days, I just feel like giving up and quitting and hiding at home. I should not feel so much anxiety at work that I can't just leave it there. The anxiety monster does not belong in my home. I have too much at stake to let fear and worry eat away at my heart.

On the other hand, I really enjoy my position and its challenges. I want to be a more professional and quality employee. I want to represent that woman that balances a career and caring for her family in the best and most positive way I know how. Like you have heard me say many times before, I want to be a career gal and a mom and part-time work suits me so well. I feel blessed to be where I am. My children are so happy and I am gaining so much experience. If I could just gain some confidence and butt all the peripheral things out of my head, things would be better. That will be the focus of my prayers this week....

Of course, I could just trade in my children for some serious moolah and work full-time...that could work, right? :) But you know what, I see my girls do things like sweetly share an ICEE completely umprompted, and then my son rushes to cuddle with me every day when I pick him up and I think "Maybe I'll keep 'em". The juggling act that is my life continues.....