Happy Easter everyone! I love love love this time of year. I think a lot of it has to do with the change in seasons. But, I love the hope and joy that is celebrated in the Christian holiday of Easter. I mean, when you think about it, it is an even bigger deal than Christmas. He is no longer dead, the sky is no longer dark, the colors have changed to white and celebration! I just love it! And I love watching my children process as well. Elisa came with us to the Maundy Thursday service and watched the altar stripping. She saw it get dark and bare. And then Easter, she saw the flowers and the white dressings and she made a connection. She got excited...and frankly, that feeds my excitement!
Ok. Truth time. For those that are following my blogging habits, my Supper for Six blog is not going so well. I am pretty darn lazy. For real. It is really difficult to cook EVERY night for the fam. This just goes to show how much I need this accountability. And I also want to give a shout out to those that offered encouragement from my last post. I am learning more and more that there is this great "keeping up with the Joneses" conspiracy in America. We are probably all broke, but nobody wants to admit it. And I truly believe, those that are truly wealthy do not live flashy at all. They are frugal--that is why they are rich! We are trying. We are trying. I am even learning to love my minivan! :) I am working on this Supper thing, too. Send me recipes that you love (quick and easy much appreciated)! I will try them and post them! (Sidenote: I haven't forgotten you Lacy--I am going to get he BBQ meatball recipe from my friends. Promise! :))
Freak out moment: There are quite a few people I know of having babies July, August, September. And so far, all of them are having girls. This does not bode well. I have this theory that babies born in the same time frame are the same gender. I know--it doesn't make sense. Maybe in a vague "Chinese Lunar calendar" way. I need to get this out there right now--I really want another boy. I don't wish any harm to this baby, and if it is a girl--I love her already! But this is my last, and I want a brother for Noah. Get ready--I will grieve a little if it is a girl. I suppose that is selfish when you consider how many people want children and cannot have them. A child is a child and Nathan and I love it and welcome it. But I have this picture in my head of my two girls and two boys sharing rooms and being best friends. And this is the final installment. The family is finished after this. I have to come to terms with the fact that this "picture" may not be a reality and make adjustments. A girl does not mean she will be a spoiled diva; nor does it mean that I am a carbon copy of my mom. But the insecurity and fears are there. I am glad to be writing this out. As I am processing, I realize how silly I am being. I am grateful to have this experience once more. But I will say this--I am envious of the others that already know the genders of their babies. I won't find out until 22 1/2 weeks (April 27th) because Longview is weird.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Full disclosure
Greetings all! What wonderful weather we are having these past couple of weeks! I am on spring break! Yay! The title of this post is full disclosure because I feel it is time to come clean about certain things. Nathan and I are in debt. Massive amounts of consumer debt. While we agree that we have both contributed to this, I would argue that I am more at fault. I think that I just went through this selfish "crazy young adult" phase where I wanted anything and everything and damned if I could "afford" it or not. What is credit for anyway? Needless to say, everything quickly became a disaster. We are currently in a very deep hole and our credit is in the crapper. I am not sure what exactly changed in me, but I woke up one day and realized that this was not the legacy I wanted to leave my children. There is not going to be a magical windfall that will take care of it all. I/we are going to need to put our noses to the grindstone and take 4 years to really get out of this hole. We basically have zero credit. We are for the first time having to make ourselves live within our means. And it is not as hard as I thought it would be. I am learning painfully that there is no shame in saying "I can't afford that". Not for pity but to make yourself face reality. I can't live like I can afford to have new clothes each month and Starbucks everyday (sadness!) I can't go out to lunch and dinner even if it is "fast food" and not an "expensive sit down restaurant". Nathan and I have FINALLY decided to be grown ups and take care of business. And it is going to be hard. The disposable income is pretty much nonexistent. This brings me to my point: I have got to get back to planning my dinners/recipes/trips to the grocery store very carefully. I have to pay attention to what I spend. I can't live like I can afford all organic if I really can't. I can't say I am too tired and just pick up a pizza. That stuff adds up big time I am learning. Therefore, I am starting a new blog: http://www.supperforsix.blogspot.com/. I know, I know. Before you call me too self-indulgent just listen: this blog is going to be comprised entirely of recipes. As a way to keep myself accoutable, I endeavor to post each night what I made for dinner and what it cost and how long it took. It is primarily a means to keep myself motivated--I really don't care if anyone reads it our not. However, maybe I can encourage some other mommas out there and we can share ideas. It is incredibly hard to get a hot meal on the table every night of the week (and make it somewhat healthy)! But, I believe it can be done with some planning...and it will be a great way for us to save the moolah! Down with you debt--we will be in the black soon! :)
PS--Nathan changed the name of his blog. Wienie! We work with the youth at our church a lot and I think he was afraid he was a little too "racy" to be appropriate. I say, whatever. But you can follow him now at www.dodgegrandcaravandalism.blogspot.com.
PS--Nathan changed the name of his blog. Wienie! We work with the youth at our church a lot and I think he was afraid he was a little too "racy" to be appropriate. I say, whatever. But you can follow him now at www.dodgegrandcaravandalism.blogspot.com.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Ta-Da!
Here's some news: Nathan and I are having another baby! And yeah, we really do know how it happens. I realize that you can only use the "it was a random fluke" excuse so many times, but we are going with it for the third time. I promise you, Elisa is the only baby we really "planned". I say that, but for those of you who know us, Na and I have never been real big on family planning. I know we are really granola, but I really like the organic-ness of just letting it happen. We are not gluttons for punishment, and we both finally feel really good about shutting it down after this one. We were a little uncertain after Noah, not sure if we wanted to stop there or go for one more--choice made I guess! I have to say that I was really shaken up when I first found out. We didn't tell our families until after my first dr. appt. at 11 weeks. My mom's feelings were really hurt that I didn't at least tell her.
4 is A LOT of kids. It borders on socially unacceptable. I didn't want to feel like a freak when I finally told people. It took me 3 months to warm up to the idea. And really, Nathan and I are joyful. Seeing the sonogram of this little 3 mm baby shaped thing flailing its arms/legs just does something to you. It's real. It's a person. It's goodbye to owning my body for 9 months. It's hello to sleepless nights. It is feeling like our family is finally complete.
I am 14 weeks tomorrow and I just told my boss this past Monday. I was really nervous about that conversation. He was definitely surprised. What was I expecting? People don't have more than 2 or 3 kids these days. Any more is just weird. And then there is that awkward feeling like you have to explain your reproductive choices. Pregnancy is not something that just "happens". There is a little awareness on the part of the parents. (Oh gosh--you mean I am not sprinkled with pixie dust at night by the "baby faeries" I let in through the open bedroom window? Nathan, you got some 'splaining to do! :))
So, by the way, my due date is August 27th. Let's decide which is the worst part about this date: it's the first week of school or the freaking hottest point of the summer? Pick one. Currently my frustration is the first week of school conundrum. I LOVE my job. Really. It challenges me. It is only going to get better next year since I actually have a fighting chance at knowing what I am doing. And then I tell my boss, by the way...count me out until October. So, not going to happen. I have to take unpaid leave which is fine, but I really care about my students and parents. It doesn't look good to have a teacher gone the first weeks of school. At this point, I am just going to do the best preparation that I can. I will try to get my ducks in a row, and knowing myself, I will be hauling my just had a baby self out of the hospital and back to work just to check and see how things are going! So, not sure of this particular shakedown, but God is good, right? I am just going to see what He has in store.
The others:
So, like, I still have 3 other living breathing kids to keep my occupied. Elisa just put my boots on and told me they were "fabulous". She is currently on the couch with a doll saying "Robot bear" to the doll over and over. Ava is getting taller by the second. She is still the one that I look at and think "there's a chance I took the wrong baby home from the hospital". However, she looks exactly like Nathan, except like a girl. Now that's weird. Feminine plus Nathan. Hmm. But it works. She likes to put on her dress up heels and click them as loudly as she can on the floor. And well, Noah? A little whiny that one is. He will let his opinion about certain things be know. He is a little high maintenance and kind of like a man diva (miva?) He is certainly very chill until there is something he wants (food, attention, the computer, crayons, anything the girls are minding their own business doing, etc.) and then he screams. He gets right in front of you and lets it rip until you tend to him. He will not be ignored. I think this is Darwinism in action. If he isn't demanding and loud, he would probably get left behind. Way to go Nature! But he is a cuddle bunny (albeit one currently obsessed with Dad and only deigns to be with Mom when Dad is gone). I am glad I nursed him for as long as I did. Some days I have to ask myself "did I hold him at all today besides moving him from place to place?" It's a shame. Baby #4, I apologize in advance. Pop out and hang on little one! You're lucky if you make it half an hour before getting stepped on, groped, spit up on, yelled at, or sat on. It's a sign of affection. Really.
4 is A LOT of kids. It borders on socially unacceptable. I didn't want to feel like a freak when I finally told people. It took me 3 months to warm up to the idea. And really, Nathan and I are joyful. Seeing the sonogram of this little 3 mm baby shaped thing flailing its arms/legs just does something to you. It's real. It's a person. It's goodbye to owning my body for 9 months. It's hello to sleepless nights. It is feeling like our family is finally complete.
I am 14 weeks tomorrow and I just told my boss this past Monday. I was really nervous about that conversation. He was definitely surprised. What was I expecting? People don't have more than 2 or 3 kids these days. Any more is just weird. And then there is that awkward feeling like you have to explain your reproductive choices. Pregnancy is not something that just "happens". There is a little awareness on the part of the parents. (Oh gosh--you mean I am not sprinkled with pixie dust at night by the "baby faeries" I let in through the open bedroom window? Nathan, you got some 'splaining to do! :))
So, by the way, my due date is August 27th. Let's decide which is the worst part about this date: it's the first week of school or the freaking hottest point of the summer? Pick one. Currently my frustration is the first week of school conundrum. I LOVE my job. Really. It challenges me. It is only going to get better next year since I actually have a fighting chance at knowing what I am doing. And then I tell my boss, by the way...count me out until October. So, not going to happen. I have to take unpaid leave which is fine, but I really care about my students and parents. It doesn't look good to have a teacher gone the first weeks of school. At this point, I am just going to do the best preparation that I can. I will try to get my ducks in a row, and knowing myself, I will be hauling my just had a baby self out of the hospital and back to work just to check and see how things are going! So, not sure of this particular shakedown, but God is good, right? I am just going to see what He has in store.
The others:
So, like, I still have 3 other living breathing kids to keep my occupied. Elisa just put my boots on and told me they were "fabulous". She is currently on the couch with a doll saying "Robot bear" to the doll over and over. Ava is getting taller by the second. She is still the one that I look at and think "there's a chance I took the wrong baby home from the hospital". However, she looks exactly like Nathan, except like a girl. Now that's weird. Feminine plus Nathan. Hmm. But it works. She likes to put on her dress up heels and click them as loudly as she can on the floor. And well, Noah? A little whiny that one is. He will let his opinion about certain things be know. He is a little high maintenance and kind of like a man diva (miva?) He is certainly very chill until there is something he wants (food, attention, the computer, crayons, anything the girls are minding their own business doing, etc.) and then he screams. He gets right in front of you and lets it rip until you tend to him. He will not be ignored. I think this is Darwinism in action. If he isn't demanding and loud, he would probably get left behind. Way to go Nature! But he is a cuddle bunny (albeit one currently obsessed with Dad and only deigns to be with Mom when Dad is gone). I am glad I nursed him for as long as I did. Some days I have to ask myself "did I hold him at all today besides moving him from place to place?" It's a shame. Baby #4, I apologize in advance. Pop out and hang on little one! You're lucky if you make it half an hour before getting stepped on, groped, spit up on, yelled at, or sat on. It's a sign of affection. Really.
Monday, February 1, 2010
It's been a long time!
Well friends, I hope that you are all doing well. I hope you haven't pined for my words of wisdom too much! (*wink,wink*) More like, words of pity, self-indulgence, and sarcasm! But before I indulge in self-loathing, I must say that I have missed blogging. It is so cathartic, like a semi-personal diary. Everything I write is a caricature of my real life--poking fun at the crazy situations I seem to find myself into.
Things have been very busy. Christmas was really wonderful and the break was much needed for everyone. It was good to see all the fam--my brother-in-law and sister-in-law to be flew in from DC, so it was awesome to see them.
We saw the Salters over MLK Jr. weekend. They are amazing friends, and I can't believe how much we, as adults, have "grown up" since meeting in the summer of '07. We have each had a kid, and we both find that it is hard to find that "chill time" we enjoyed in H-town.
Elisa turned 4 on the 11th, and we just had her party this past weekend. It was princess-themed and uber girly. She is beginning to write individual letters and she fascinates me every day.
Work is okay, and my kids are just growing before my eyes! I am learning how hard it is to "break into" a small town. Somedays it feels like I am just too different to ever win anyone's friendship or respect. I love my job and I am learning so much every day about how difficult it is to come into a position of leadership as a newcomer to a town and organization. Just because you have "book learning" doesn't mean people have to like you. Some days, I just feel like giving up and quitting and hiding at home. I should not feel so much anxiety at work that I can't just leave it there. The anxiety monster does not belong in my home. I have too much at stake to let fear and worry eat away at my heart.
On the other hand, I really enjoy my position and its challenges. I want to be a more professional and quality employee. I want to represent that woman that balances a career and caring for her family in the best and most positive way I know how. Like you have heard me say many times before, I want to be a career gal and a mom and part-time work suits me so well. I feel blessed to be where I am. My children are so happy and I am gaining so much experience. If I could just gain some confidence and butt all the peripheral things out of my head, things would be better. That will be the focus of my prayers this week....
Of course, I could just trade in my children for some serious moolah and work full-time...that could work, right? :) But you know what, I see my girls do things like sweetly share an ICEE completely umprompted, and then my son rushes to cuddle with me every day when I pick him up and I think "Maybe I'll keep 'em". The juggling act that is my life continues.....
Things have been very busy. Christmas was really wonderful and the break was much needed for everyone. It was good to see all the fam--my brother-in-law and sister-in-law to be flew in from DC, so it was awesome to see them.
We saw the Salters over MLK Jr. weekend. They are amazing friends, and I can't believe how much we, as adults, have "grown up" since meeting in the summer of '07. We have each had a kid, and we both find that it is hard to find that "chill time" we enjoyed in H-town.
Elisa turned 4 on the 11th, and we just had her party this past weekend. It was princess-themed and uber girly. She is beginning to write individual letters and she fascinates me every day.
Work is okay, and my kids are just growing before my eyes! I am learning how hard it is to "break into" a small town. Somedays it feels like I am just too different to ever win anyone's friendship or respect. I love my job and I am learning so much every day about how difficult it is to come into a position of leadership as a newcomer to a town and organization. Just because you have "book learning" doesn't mean people have to like you. Some days, I just feel like giving up and quitting and hiding at home. I should not feel so much anxiety at work that I can't just leave it there. The anxiety monster does not belong in my home. I have too much at stake to let fear and worry eat away at my heart.
On the other hand, I really enjoy my position and its challenges. I want to be a more professional and quality employee. I want to represent that woman that balances a career and caring for her family in the best and most positive way I know how. Like you have heard me say many times before, I want to be a career gal and a mom and part-time work suits me so well. I feel blessed to be where I am. My children are so happy and I am gaining so much experience. If I could just gain some confidence and butt all the peripheral things out of my head, things would be better. That will be the focus of my prayers this week....
Of course, I could just trade in my children for some serious moolah and work full-time...that could work, right? :) But you know what, I see my girls do things like sweetly share an ICEE completely umprompted, and then my son rushes to cuddle with me every day when I pick him up and I think "Maybe I'll keep 'em". The juggling act that is my life continues.....
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
I won't win any awards...
A few updates:
Work life--Not getting sued! Things are going well. The parents like me, the students like me, and Early Childhood is just trucking along nicely. Things have settled down and the routine has become very comforting. Although I did have a student tell me today that "God is going to spank you". You know. That happens.
Social life--What social life? Ha-ha. Although I did recently go to the State Fair with my brother and his wife and my sister and her husband. The girls did not go with us so that was like a "night out". It was the UT v. OU weekend. There was a very drunk frat boy that gave me his seat on the DART train. He was with some seriously fashion impaired sorority girls. I think they thought they were trendy, but boyfriend jeans, toms, 80s sunglasses, and a military blazer do not a fashionista make. Anyway, drunk frat boy provided me with the most interesting and stimulating of conversations that I have had in a long long time. I milked his impaired state for all it was worth. Hey, I never get out! At some point we started throwing out names of herbs that would make ridiculous children's names. Tarragon and Cilantro were the big winners.
Romantic life--Again, what romantic life? Nathan and I try--we really do. But then I find myself saying things to my sweet husband like, "Put a bubble in your mouth" or "stop your motor and let the other people pass" as I throw my arm across his path. That screams "I've never wanted you more", right? And then there is the little issue of me lecturing him while in the throes of passion. I will spare you the intimate details but lets just say I can't even enjoy myself without attempting to boss Nathan around. That was super mortifying. I didn't even mean what I was saying. I am just so in the mode of telling people what to do I can't even stop myself while having sex! Ugh!
Parenting skills--This is my personal favorite. At the beginning of the aforementioned episode between Nathan and I, we had made cookies to keep the girls quiet and put them in front of a movie. You take it when you can get it, right? So anyway, we took the rest of the cookies to our room to consume them in secret like little piggies. Things had gotten underway and we hear a little knock on our door. Our favorite trick is to ignore it, but that was not proving to be effective this time. One of us got the bright idea to slide a cookie under the door without saying a word. Shameful. And humorous. And shameful. But mostly humorous. When was the last time I laughed like that? And, more importantly, it got the job done!
Spiritual life--Nathan is teaching the youth group at our church and I am teaching ages 2-4. I just love little kids so much I want to be around them every second of every day! (sarcasm, folks!) Oh wait, I am! It is really fun even though teeenagers scare the hell out of me. All their hormones and emotions flopping around like dying fish. Erg! I am not so equipped...but Nathan is great!
Mental health--You read the above, right? What do you think? Let's go with somewhere between desperately seeking a support group and needing a room with padded walls. But seriously, I live in my car, which is in a constant state of filth. When I get a break from the car, I am at the house--also filthy. I can't seem to get anything accomplished and it's all I can do to keep my eyes open every day.
But the title of this post aptly points out that while I may not be stellar at any one thing, at least I haven't spontaneously combusted. Sometimes "good enough" is the best I can do and I am okay with that.
And can I just give a shout out to all the amazing new life entering this world:
Baby Shelby
Baby Kuzara
Baby Roll
Baby Speegle
Baby Keyser
Baby Vaden
Baby Way
Baby Mahan
Congratulations you guys! You will all make amazing parents! It might make you a little batty, but we wouldn't do it if it wasn't worth it!
Work life--Not getting sued! Things are going well. The parents like me, the students like me, and Early Childhood is just trucking along nicely. Things have settled down and the routine has become very comforting. Although I did have a student tell me today that "God is going to spank you". You know. That happens.
Social life--What social life? Ha-ha. Although I did recently go to the State Fair with my brother and his wife and my sister and her husband. The girls did not go with us so that was like a "night out". It was the UT v. OU weekend. There was a very drunk frat boy that gave me his seat on the DART train. He was with some seriously fashion impaired sorority girls. I think they thought they were trendy, but boyfriend jeans, toms, 80s sunglasses, and a military blazer do not a fashionista make. Anyway, drunk frat boy provided me with the most interesting and stimulating of conversations that I have had in a long long time. I milked his impaired state for all it was worth. Hey, I never get out! At some point we started throwing out names of herbs that would make ridiculous children's names. Tarragon and Cilantro were the big winners.
Romantic life--Again, what romantic life? Nathan and I try--we really do. But then I find myself saying things to my sweet husband like, "Put a bubble in your mouth" or "stop your motor and let the other people pass" as I throw my arm across his path. That screams "I've never wanted you more", right? And then there is the little issue of me lecturing him while in the throes of passion. I will spare you the intimate details but lets just say I can't even enjoy myself without attempting to boss Nathan around. That was super mortifying. I didn't even mean what I was saying. I am just so in the mode of telling people what to do I can't even stop myself while having sex! Ugh!
Parenting skills--This is my personal favorite. At the beginning of the aforementioned episode between Nathan and I, we had made cookies to keep the girls quiet and put them in front of a movie. You take it when you can get it, right? So anyway, we took the rest of the cookies to our room to consume them in secret like little piggies. Things had gotten underway and we hear a little knock on our door. Our favorite trick is to ignore it, but that was not proving to be effective this time. One of us got the bright idea to slide a cookie under the door without saying a word. Shameful. And humorous. And shameful. But mostly humorous. When was the last time I laughed like that? And, more importantly, it got the job done!
Spiritual life--Nathan is teaching the youth group at our church and I am teaching ages 2-4. I just love little kids so much I want to be around them every second of every day! (sarcasm, folks!) Oh wait, I am! It is really fun even though teeenagers scare the hell out of me. All their hormones and emotions flopping around like dying fish. Erg! I am not so equipped...but Nathan is great!
Mental health--You read the above, right? What do you think? Let's go with somewhere between desperately seeking a support group and needing a room with padded walls. But seriously, I live in my car, which is in a constant state of filth. When I get a break from the car, I am at the house--also filthy. I can't seem to get anything accomplished and it's all I can do to keep my eyes open every day.
But the title of this post aptly points out that while I may not be stellar at any one thing, at least I haven't spontaneously combusted. Sometimes "good enough" is the best I can do and I am okay with that.
And can I just give a shout out to all the amazing new life entering this world:
Baby Shelby
Baby Kuzara
Baby Roll
Baby Speegle
Baby Keyser
Baby Vaden
Baby Way
Baby Mahan
Congratulations you guys! You will all make amazing parents! It might make you a little batty, but we wouldn't do it if it wasn't worth it!
Friday, October 2, 2009
My kids...
Elisa: Still in love with mermaids. Monsters are scary mermaids, healers are magical mermaids. She laughs at weird times at things that aren't really funny. For instance, me: "we are having macaroni and cheese tonight for dinner". Her: "O haha. That's so silly. Macaroni and cheese. Hee!" I don't really have a response to that.
Ava: She is a punk who likes to ignore me and run around half-naked. I love her "can-do" spirit but she is not even keeled like sister. She goes from 0 to screaming in about 1/2 a second. Time is a concept we are working on. She likes to sometimes pick at Elisa because she can. It is just in her nature to be defiant. I like to call it "persistence". She will make a great debator! If I could somehow disappear between her age 12 to 19 years I think that would be for the best...for everyone...
Noah: Seriously the quietest baby you've ever met. I sometimes forget he is around. He just hangs out and watches stuff--his sisters, his toys, the TV, Na and I, the fan--whatever. He is just a sweetie and he loves to coo and laugh at me. My favorite time with him is in the morning before the girls wake up. I feed him and then get myself dressed and he just hangs out and talks to me. The only time he is upset is if he is alone (he HATES that) or hungry or tired. That's it. I just want him to stay my little baby forever!
Ava: She is a punk who likes to ignore me and run around half-naked. I love her "can-do" spirit but she is not even keeled like sister. She goes from 0 to screaming in about 1/2 a second. Time is a concept we are working on. She likes to sometimes pick at Elisa because she can. It is just in her nature to be defiant. I like to call it "persistence". She will make a great debator! If I could somehow disappear between her age 12 to 19 years I think that would be for the best...for everyone...
Noah: Seriously the quietest baby you've ever met. I sometimes forget he is around. He just hangs out and watches stuff--his sisters, his toys, the TV, Na and I, the fan--whatever. He is just a sweetie and he loves to coo and laugh at me. My favorite time with him is in the morning before the girls wake up. I feed him and then get myself dressed and he just hangs out and talks to me. The only time he is upset is if he is alone (he HATES that) or hungry or tired. That's it. I just want him to stay my little baby forever!
On the off chance I might get sued....
In the interest of the law, I have removed my last two postings with my ranting and ravings about being unfairly judged. While I do believe that this will all settle, I may be taken to a court of law and I don't need anything negative found on me! Does this sound totally "Law & Order" to you? Me too! Many thanks, Reagan, for pointing out that even when I am not naming names, it still doesn't look good to comment on a potential "ongoing investigation". OMG! This is ridiculous!
Upside: I am in good standing with my current parents and staff and boss. I really love my job and everyone has faith in me. yay!
Downside (unrelated): Nathan, you know, works in oilfield services. Things are not going to well with some customers. I am a little *swallow* nervous although he tells me not to be. Hmm...
Upside: I am in good standing with my current parents and staff and boss. I really love my job and everyone has faith in me. yay!
Downside (unrelated): Nathan, you know, works in oilfield services. Things are not going to well with some customers. I am a little *swallow* nervous although he tells me not to be. Hmm...
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