Big news!

Nope. Not pregnant. That door is closed friends. And I couldn't be happier. :) So much has happened by here are the highlights: I have decided to start working full-time again, and I have the most awesome job as the social worker for a cancer center here in town. A friend told me about the job posting. I interview and a month later, I got the job! My hours are 745-3 with no lunch break (which is fine by me). That puts me at 36 hours a week, so I get 90% of my salary. It is just PERFECT! 3 is just about the right time to leave work anyway. Plus, I am already up getting my girls to school. Couldn't be happier. It is a big job, but I am working with a marvelous group of people. My boss is so kind, and I haven't felt overwhelmed at all, but it is a big job. I feel like I have been out of a "real job" for so long, I can't believe people actually think I can do this :) Can I? :) Regardless, this has been a huge prayer answered, and I cannot stop praising and thanking God for this opporunity. Noah turned 2 Friday and he is getting to be one big boy! 36.5 inches and 34 pounds, he is thankfully healthy. NO more ear problems praise God! He is still in diapers and on the paci (for bedtime, but still...the pedi chided me *sheepish smile*). He will start at school with his sisters on May 31st, and boy, is he ready! In the meantime, my dear sainted friend Tricha is keeping the boys at her house until Memorial Day. SHe is so gracious. I keep telling her it is practice for when she has twins (none in the works yet, but I keep telling her--it will happen! :)) I am hoping to get Micah at a local daycare by this summer, because there is not really a plan b for him, but I think it will all work out. Our first niece was born on Noah's birthday! We love you baby Kara! We are so happy to have a little cousin. Nathan and I are flying up to see her the weekend of May 13th, and my fabu in-laws will keep the kids so we can go alone. Praise God for them! This is such a crazy time of year. Between the job, Easter, End-of-school activities, etc. I just haven't had time to sit down and collect my thoughts. The blogging is going to slow down, but hopefully not disappear! For now, here are some pics of my little loves:

So much for good intentions...

Yeah. I just don't really have the time to write. I'll say it. I love blogging, but it is becoming increasingly difficult to find a time to lasso my thoughts much less plot them out in a readable format :)

I could tell you all about my kids and how much they are growing, or the funny things they say, or how much we love our life in Longview. I was hoping to tell you about a new job, but as of right now, I am still waiting to hear. I am so ready to be working full-time. I love my kids, but being around them nearly 24/7 just doesn't complete me. I know that a relationship with the Savior is the only one who can fill the holes in my life, etc., but I go nuts around my kids quite often. I don't know anything about current events, and I feel guilty if I try to take time for myself or if I don't get all the housework done. I can only accomplish one thing a day. Today, for instance, it was a shower. So yes, I got a shower. But the laundry is not done, the house is filthy, and I didn't get dinner made before I had to leave. I feel so guilty about not being able to do things that need to done to keep our house running smoothly. And really, I just want to feel like an educated woman. I want to go back to work. I am excited to feel this way, but I also feel that evil word: guilty. Guilty that I don't want to be around my children more and guilty that I can't be happy at home full time. But trust me on this...the mental hospital is around the corner for me if I don't get out of my house!!!

I would love to have that elusive thing: balance. I want to get back into shape. But that requires time and a diligence that is difficult for me to find. I want to eat healthy, but frankly, I hardly remember to eat as it is, so I just eat some goldfish and granola bars when I hear my stomach growl. I want to feel like a contributor to the professional world. I have a skill set that needs to be utilized. So friends, please keep me in your thoughts. I want this job so badly! If it doesn't work out, I desire the peace to feel that God has me in his hand and will only provide the best things for me. If that means something else--I want to embrace it. I hope that the rest of you are doing well, and are able to find and add discipline to your life this Lenten season as we await the celebration of our Lord's resurrection! I can't wait to say "Alleluia, alleluia" again!

Potty Training, Part 3

The good news is that this story should only have 4 parts. So, I am on the down swing, right? ;-) I bought a potty for Noah, and I let him practice sitting in it. He loves to sit fully clothed and open and shut the lid. The other day, he asked for the potty, and I thought, "Hey, let's get him naked and see if he will go". So now, he is OBSESSED with stripping down and sitting on the potty. He comes to me all the time and wants me to take off his shirt and pants. This morning, I was thinking that maybe I should just let him run around naked and see if I can get him to potty. Well, those of you with boys know that is probably not a good idea. See, I have to learn these things the hard way. Girls are different than boys, lest I forget. After only 3 minutes, Noah had *ahem* rubbed himself fantastically red, if you catch my drift. Now, I believe we are what you call a NAKED HOUSE. I am not particularly modest in front of my children. We don't parade around naked, but I don't hide things either. I believe in teaching that bodies are not embarrassing, etc. Eh, my kids see me naked occasionally. We are still working to get Nathan into "free-love" mode ;) Anywho friends, I just couldn't do it. I could not sit there and watch my son incessantly touch himself. He was having a good time and that's great, but not for public consumption. I had to put up a barrier between him and his fun parts. And so the diaper went back on. I tried. I learned. I believe I will change tactics!

Rashad wants to wish me a happy Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day all! I wish I had the foresight like all my other lovely friends to send V-Day cards out. Look for one at Easter...I think I can get it together by then :) Have you ever had a person text you that you don't recognize their number? That happened to me today. Not that I don't love a "Hey, what's up? Happy Valentine's Day", but "who is this?. "It's Rashad...Did you lose my number or something?" That would be a no. "I don't think I know you...who do you think this is?" "Is this Stacy?" Definitely not. Do you want to get in her pants because you are lonely? But I didn't really say that. Rashad did inform me that he "must have put her number in wrong". I wished him a happy V-Day anyway. Nice to meet you, Rashad. I hope you get lucky tonight!

Daily-ness

So my friends, I know you have all been wondering where I have gone to! Not. Anyway, it seems the holidays and the "daily-ness" of life have just caught up with me. Nothing major to tell, we are just floating day in and day out and I either don't have the time to post or I am just too tired! However, I really enjoy it, and seeing as though I am horrible at babybooking (Elisa is the only child with a book, and I think it stops at 9 months :)), this is what I want my children to look to when they want stories about when they were babies. I honestly don't think I am going to remember. ;)

Elisa turned 5 last month and I can scarcely believe it. My baby is 5! It seems I just had her! We had a great party and Pump It Up and our friends from Baylor and now Cleburne, the VanSlykes got to come! It was so fun! She is going on 15 now, and I find my self at a loss for how to parent her some days. Gone are the days when I can just say "do it because I am the mom and I said so!" She wants to know why and she is so quickly forming her own opinions about life that don't always include influences from her dad and I.

Ava is doing great. She is a very introverted child and is easily overwhelmed when her routine changes. She spends several hours a day alone in her room reading (and who else was like that as a child?!? *ahem*). She is so tender and precious and I worry about her getting lost the most in our big family. She is looking forward to having her 4th birthday at Disney World this summer. :) She is going to get a cavity filled today. Yay!

Noah is about to be 2 in April. I can't believe it! It was shortly after his birth that we moved to Longview, and I can't believe it has been that long. He is in full toddler mode, and I love it! He is the happiest child...so loving and charming. Almost always in a good mood. He does miss his sisters when they are at school, and I think he is ready for a little school as well. It remains to be seen what exactly we are going to be able to afford.

Micah is almost 6 months old. He is the quietest child I have never heard ;) He is our "normal" child, still waking up once a night to eat. I need to get him on solid foods, but he gags every time I try to feed him, so I have just given up. Way to go, mom! He apparently is sitting up now. I swear that child is going to teach himself how to walk, read, and potty train while I am off messing with someone else.

Na and I are good. We really enjoy Longview and have made some really good friends. Na really loves his job, and he is doing so well. Nathan is such a wonderful, "hands-on" dad, and I honestly don't know what I would do without him. We get overwhelmed with our life often, and so far, I think it has served to bring us closer together rather than farther apart. We have an "in the foxhole" mentality for now. Our church is offering Dave Ramsey's financial peace university, and we are doing that and looking forward to taking charge of our financial life!

So, a lot of people have said to me, "I don't know how you do it Christy. If that were me, I would be in a looney bin". Or, "Just thinking about your life makes me tired". Or, "I could never do that". Okay, so, I want to say this lovingly, because I know the heart behind these words is mostly admiration and/or respect. But, here's the secret: Sometimes I feel bat-sh!t crazy too! Just because I have 4 children doesn't mean I also possess super powers (although, really, sometimes I do envision myself in a cape). I need encouragement like anyone else. All women with children have crazy lives. We get pulled in several directions at once, and we are plagued with losing our sense of identity. Some days you just have a parent fail. We deal with the hands we are dealt and make do. I guess I just tire of hearing comments like this that feel like they are somehow a cloaked insult. It is like hearing "I have no eartly idea why you are not in a mental hospital. How do you manage to dress yourself? Why are you not in a catatonic state right now?" I mean, how do you answer that? "I dunno. I take vitamin supplements?" I mean, really people. I don't know how I do it. It is just my life and I wake up every morning and put clothes on a brush my teeth like all the other moms out there. Some days I feel great success and some days I feel like a failure. But I love my life and I want the best for my children, just like we all do.

So, there was my token rant in my blog entry. Look for more to come soon! Blessings! xoxxo

I give you...

After that last heavy post, I need something fun. I give you..."The Baby Lazy Susan--A Tale of Two Brothers"



I just want to point out that yes, I am egging him on, but only so we could film it. Of course he was doing it on his own but when we wanted to film it, that was when Micah started screaming and Noah stopped messing with him. We are innocent I tell you!

Life and Death

We just had a fabulous evening out with our precious friends! We watched a movie, ate pizza, and laughed at our children running amok. Somewhere in that time of vitality, my mother's best friend passed away. Oh, you know, it wasn't completely unexpected, but nonetheless, a person who was here is no longer. Death. Dead. Period. Final.

This woman was a childhood friend of my mother. My mom credits her knowledge of Jesus and her path to salvation as a direct result of a friendship with this woman and her family. They have kept in close touch throughout the years. They have had babies, marriages, divorces, good times, and bad times in their 30+ years of friendship. Suprisingly enough, both of their mothers are still alive and kicking. My mother's BFF, as I will now call her, had a very aggressive form of cancer. We found out about it around this time last year. Last year! One year. Perfectly healthy. Wasted away. When I think about this too deeply, it makes me confused. My mother is 52 (sorry, Mom!). She is young, she has grandchildren, she teaches school, she dates her husband, she chauffeurs her children about, she visits for the holidays. 52 is not a time to wilt away into nothingness. Why does this woman not get to see her children and grandchildren grow? Why is her own mother surviving her?!?

I remember when we all found out. There is so much hope. "I am going to beat this". "I'm fine. Really". And the tests keep coming back worse and worse. The hair goes. But not the smile. Not the fierce determination. Until one day, it does. We just saw mom's BFF 6 days ago. She had aged 20 years. She shuffled around the house in her PJs, and she just looked like a shell of herself. She could hardly keep anything down, and she appeared to get confused easily. When you snuck a peek at her, she seemed lost. Or perhaps like she had just retreated into herself.

I don't understand death. This person was alive. She existed. Yesterday she was here and today she is not. Yes, yes, I know all about the spirit being eternal, and your legacy lives on. Yadda yadda. But she physically is. not. here. My husband said he had a feeling that Saturday was going to be the last time we saw her. I don't know where that intuition comes from. I did not feel that way. I really thought she was going to be fine. This was a bad point, but she had months to go. I feel so silly now. I think I saw it, but I didn't want to.

It feels so narcissistic to talk about this as if I am even remotely affected. I hurt for my mother, who lost her best friend. I ponder my own best friend, and wonder if we will be gabbing together about our arthritis and creaky knees well into our 80s. I send waves of concern and sympathy to her children, who are going to navigate the waters of adulthood without her presence and wisdom. And, again, I say, death doesn't make sense to me. How can one person be out running errands, looking forward to the night to come, while another takes her last breath?

I ran across this poem about death by Emily Bronte. I really like the last stanza. I think because of the imagery of death being rotten and moldy and putrid. It becomes manure. And manure stinks. But we can't grow rich young trees without manure.

Death by Emily Bronte
Death! that struck when I was most confiding
In my certain faith of joy to be -
Strike again, Time's withered branch dividing
From the fresh root of Eternity!

Leaves, upon Time's branch, were growing brightly,
Full of sap, and full of silver dew;
Birds beneath its shelter gathered nightly;
Daily round its flowers the wild bees flew.

Sorrow passed, and plucked the golden blossom;
Guilt stripped off the foliage in its pride;
But, within its parent's kindly bosom,
Flowed for ever Life's restoring-tide.

Little mourned I for the parted gladness,
For the vacant nest and silent song -
Hope was there, and laughed me out of sadness;
Whispering, " Winter will not linger long!"

And, behold! with tenfold increase blessing,
Spring adorned the beauty-burdened spray;
Wind and rain and fervent heat, caressing,
Lavished glory on that second May!

High it rose - no winged grief could sweep it;
Sin was scared to distance with its shine;
Love, and its own life, had power to keep it
From all wrong - from every blight but thine!

Cruel Death! The young leaves droop and languish;
Evening's gentle air may still restore -
No! the morning sunshine mocks my anguish -
Time, for me, must never blossom more!

Strike it down, that other boughs may flourish
Where that perished sapling used to be;
Thus, at least, its mouldering corpse will nourish
That from which it sprung - Eternity.

To stop before I become too maudlin, I am going to shut my computer, call my mom and cry with her, kiss my babies, give my husband a hug, and go to sleep. And, I am going to enjoy my world of friends and family. They are so precious to me, and unfortunately, I don't get them forever.